Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
