Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
