how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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