I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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