ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
