he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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