it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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