Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
