jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
