I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
