you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
