butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize