Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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