don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
