My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
