Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
