my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
