You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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