i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
