I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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