Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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