The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
