dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
