let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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