I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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