I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
