We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
