so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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