broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
