How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
