everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize