btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
