Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize