Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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