i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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