Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
