you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
