I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
