Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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