At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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