i just google imaged poop.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize