why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
