I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
