also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
