Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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