distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
