Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
