At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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