Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
