I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
