Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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