Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
