guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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