I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
