Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
