So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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