dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
