This show inspires me to have sex in space
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
