so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
