Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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