just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
