if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
