Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
