there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
