i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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