I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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