my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
