do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
