I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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